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MistyAxe's favorite FMLs
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
by he is going to hell / 09/18/2012 at 5:46pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by ajnmegs / 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous
by waterbottlehit / 12/02/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
by HOe HOe HOe / 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
by FML / 07/29/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by Infected / 02/20/2011 at 12:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML
by yummy(: / 10/30/2010 at 10:14pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by notsohappyniece / 11/02/2009 at 11:10am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
by re2K5 / 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm / Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto) / Money
by marriedwithfamily / 06/29/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Connecticut) / Holidays
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
by SLA / 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
- Today, my new doctor gave me a pamphlet for a cervical cancer prevention injection and told me it's… Today, my mom got a jukebox. She hasn't stopped playing the music on a high volume for the past two… Today, I was woken up around 2 in the morning to my father entering my room to urinate in the cat…