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Missythemini's FML badges
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Missythemini's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
by Wellthisishawkward / 08/14/2015 at 6:40pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/14/2015 at 11:08am / Denmark / Miscellaneous
by Oihana / 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Kids
by momoftheyearedition / 07/08/2015 at 11:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML
by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 1:42am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML
by 1010110100101101 / 06/19/2015 at 12:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML
by unsuccessful popping / 06/18/2015 at 4:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML
by iamfab / 06/06/2015 at 1:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that… Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night… Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and…