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Missythemini's FML badges
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Missythemini's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
by Wellthisishawkward / 08/14/2015 at 6:40pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/14/2015 at 11:08am / Denmark / Miscellaneous
by Oihana / 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Kids
by momoftheyearedition / 07/08/2015 at 11:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML
by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 1:42am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML
by 1010110100101101 / 06/19/2015 at 12:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML
by unsuccessful popping / 06/18/2015 at 4:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML
by iamfab / 06/06/2015 at 1:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, after spending months comparing the previous weather forecasts to work out the exact date,… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to…