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  • Number of visits : 778
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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MissyPants's page activity

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MissyPants's favorite FMLs

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, while feeling sick, I decided to go to a furniture store to sit down for a few minutes. I'm now the proud owner of an expensive, vomit-stained recliner. FML

Today, my cousin thought it would be cool to put a firecracker in an abandoned birdhouse. Before I could tell him not to, it exploded and about 30 wasps came after me like the wrath of God. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52568) - you deserved it (4991)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:27am - animals - by EpicJman2828 (man) - United States

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42529) - you deserved it (4517)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (14397) - you deserved it (28715)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23132) - you deserved it (2404)

On 06/13/2012 at 4:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML


I agree, your life sucks (32080) - you deserved it (6449)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49901) - you deserved it (5507)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28964) - you deserved it (4587)

On 09/01/2011 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57632) - you deserved it (3566)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML


I agree, your life sucks (30253) - you deserved it (3339)

On 06/11/2011 at 2:37am - intimacy - by dadisgoatboy - Switzerland (Aargau)

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35145) - you deserved it (4054)

On 08/11/2010 at 5:19am - health - by Thepunchline (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38024) - you deserved it (4121)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:10am - health - by navyma - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13254) - you deserved it (85839)

On 09/16/2009 at 9:24am - animals - by nipped (man) - Australia (Victoria)

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