About MissMustard : A fun-loving country girl from the Cotswolds, now studying in London!
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MissMustard's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML
by BrokeAndPsst / 04/12/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/25/2011 at 1:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML
by Joey / 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 5:07am / Canada (Quebec) / Money
Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML
by ihatemyjob / 09/12/2010 at 3:23am / Canada / Work
by soccercrazed1520 / 01/13/2010 at 4:40pm / Miscellaneous
Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML
by nothotforteacher / 01/07/2010 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by umm / 12/08/2009 at 3:35pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
by sad_dad / 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I learned that my car alarm only goes off if the car is unlocked a bit forcibly. Doesn't make a sound when some prick breaks the window out in the middle of the night to steal my cd player. FML
by Hardsleeper / 10/16/2009 at 5:23am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML
by zzyx / 09/21/2009 at 11:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Angry / 08/04/2009 at 4:21pm / United States / Love
Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML
by Cyberella / 07/17/2009 at 1:36am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
by wow / 07/11/2009 at 4:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…