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MisfitPolarBear's FML badges
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MisfitPolarBear's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Raela / 01/04/2013 at 11:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health
by Tiffosaur / 01/04/2013 at 1:12am / United States / Love
by WellShit / 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
by Tooyoungforthis / 01/03/2013 at 7:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML
by Dimples / 01/03/2013 at 6:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML
by anonymous / 01/03/2013 at 5:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML
by Brad / 01/03/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Emily / 01/03/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, after I finally laid down from a long day and was about to fall asleep, I realized I forgot to set my alarm. I don't own an alarm clock and my alarm is on my phone. Which was in my car. I live on 15th floor of an apartment building and our parking garage is across the street. FML
by Anonymous / 01/03/2013 at 12:02am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML
by Les Miserables is so sad / 01/02/2013 at 6:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML
Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML
by habassistant / 01/02/2013 at 10:49am / United States (Ohio) / Work
by AmberHavoc / 01/02/2013 at 10:01am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation…
- Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My… Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we… Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of…