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Mini96's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Mini96's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/24/2016 at 8:24pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Intimacy
Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML
by fuckoffgramps / 01/24/2016 at 12:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by Dexter_39476 / 01/24/2016 at 12:40am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous
by ugh / 01/23/2016 at 3:48pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by swag papi / 01/22/2016 at 12:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 7:43am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 6:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML
by enya / 01/18/2016 at 5:29pm / Luxembourg / Miscellaneous
Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML
by kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment / 01/17/2016 at 8:48pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 2:26am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML
by parasheeeet / 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML
by Bex98 / 01/11/2016 at 3:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/09/2016 at 9:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I played charades with my girlfriend and her family. When it was her turn to act out a phrase, she simply walked to the center of the room and pointed to herself and then at me. It took less than 5 seconds for someone to correctly guess "Beauty and the Beast". FML
by fuglymug / 01/08/2016 at 4:48pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long…