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MinaGermania's favorite FMLs
Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML
by god / 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
by mummer11 / 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
by myheadhurts / 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by disappointed / 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by xtammyle / 02/19/2013 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by dudeyouarefired / 12/20/2012 at 3:16am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML
by jeanrose2013 / 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy
Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2011 at 12:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 3:24am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML
by leftwardfoil / 08/19/2011 at 2:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by fmyhabit / 04/15/2011 at 1:34am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
- Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her… Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five.… Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little…