Milord

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Offline (the 01/19/2016 at 1:18pm)

Milord

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 18 November 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 13759
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Milord : Ask me :)

Milord's page activity

Visits<b>johobus28</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 12:06am<b>silentseries</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 10:58am<b>Fancyman123</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 6:39am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 11:43pm<b>midpocket</b> - the 02/07/2012 at 1:24pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 12:43am<b>sanoj</b> - the 07/23/2009 at 9:11am<b>zoeba</b> - the 07/23/2009 at 9:02am<b>Serial</b> - the 03/28/2009 at 9:58pm

Milord's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Milord's badges

Milord's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally confronted my boyfriend and asked him if he was cheating on me. He got flustered and said, "Technically, I'm cheating with you, not on you." FML

by nice one / 08/30/2012 at 11:24am / Love

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

by Samantha / 08/16/2012 at 6:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML

by blakeintheoffice / 08/08/2012 at 9:53am / United States / Work

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

by sozzy / 07/07/2012 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML

by spiderfail / 07/03/2012 at 4:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

by John / 06/30/2012 at 1:08am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, it was my birthday. When my crush spotted me in the hallway and wished me a Happy Birthday, my nerves got the best of me and I blurted, "You too". FML

by thefailwhale / 06/16/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML

by ultraattitude / 06/14/2012 at 3:34pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML

by fmmmmlll / 06/12/2012 at 1:29am / United States / Health

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

by Bishop / 06/06/2012 at 10:19am / Transportation

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

by Ouch / 05/20/2012 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous