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Today.. . I was being interviewed for an amazing jobhen I was askedhat animal I would describe myself as . Trying to be prompt.. . I picked the first thing that cummed to me . I responded with.. . "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML
TODAY, AT A CHRISTMA PARTY, MY CRUSH CAME UP TO ME AND CUTELY POINTED OUT THAT I WAS STANDING UNDER MISTLETOE. THE ONLY RESPONSE MY STUPID BRAIN COULD THINK OF WAS, "PROBABLY FULL OF NARGLE THOUGH." HE GAVE ME A CONFUSED LOOK AND WALKED AWAY. MEGA FML
TODAY, LIKE EVERY DAY, I USED MY PHONE WHILE TAKING A DUMP. AS I REACHED FOR SOME TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MYSELF, MY SISTER POUNDED ON THE DOOR FOR ME TO HURRY UP. I YELLED "FINE," AND WITHOUT REALIZING IT, WIPED MYSELF WITH MY PHONE. FML
Yesterday, mah dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see mah boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above mah driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving mah boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
Friday 27 March 2015