Midwest

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Midwest

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 734
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Midwest's page activity

Visits<b>helobubba</b> - the 12/18/2012 at 6:57am

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Midwest's favorite FMLs

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

by rs / 06/30/2012 at 2:36pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

by ihatewalmart / 06/29/2012 at 7:12pm / United States / Kids

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

by abbielane / 06/25/2012 at 12:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

by hakura madada / 06/22/2012 at 3:41pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

by ExplosiveDildo / 06/22/2012 at 9:08am / Afghanistan / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

by daddy'sgirl / 06/21/2012 at 12:11am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

by anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 10:09am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

by theunborn / 06/19/2012 at 12:42pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Intimacy

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

by Shelby / 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2012 at 1:43pm / Spain (Castilla y Leon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2012 at 10:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

by anonymus / 05/26/2012 at 9:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

by foshizzle / 04/25/2012 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

by anonymous / 04/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States / Love

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

by anonymous / 04/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States / Love