I am the middle child. Enough said.
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6590) - you totally deserved it (22125)
On 10/09/2009 at 11:05am - love - by TasedAndDazed (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8674) - you totally deserved it (1688)
On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4296) - you totally deserved it (11152)
On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11) - you totally deserved it (2108)
On 10/05/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9798) - you totally deserved it (3473)
On 10/04/2009 at 7:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I told my daughter how her eyes look exactly as pretty as my wife's. She told me that she loved the way my eyeballs stick out of my face, just like Elmo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23281) - you totally deserved it (2347)
On 10/03/2009 at 8:33am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18067) - you totally deserved it (12082)
On 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by mushroommouth (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27167) - you totally deserved it (2835) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by dumbass (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4582) - you totally deserved it (13321) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24401) - you totally deserved it (7593) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by notliked (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9947) - you totally deserved it (2227) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 2:10am - intimacy - by betchyo (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2057) - you totally deserved it (10506)
On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today I went to a school committee meeting. I sat opposite my boyfriend. To get his attention I began stroking his crotch area with my leg. The principal stood up 5 minutes later pulling me under the table. My tights were caught in his zipper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3174) - you totally deserved it (12725)
On 09/29/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by clumssyXO (woman) - Hungary (Veszprem)
Today, i walked into the bathroom and saw my beautiful girlfriend of 9 months shaving her face. Seeing my shocking reflection she says "Honey, we need to talk". She proceeds to tell me that she was born a man and had a full sex change the year before she met me. Yes, we've had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20394) - you totally deserved it (2664)
On 09/29/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12991) - you totally deserved it (2866)
On 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by namhtor (man) - United States (Indiana)
