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About MichellinMan : go to www.michelinman.org/tires to receive free tires. brought to you by MichelinMan "the right tire changes everything"
Nah but in all seriousness, I've been here since 2009. This is my second account. I've never put my old account in my info, I just wanted to keep it secret.
I'm not a stuck up pussy when it comes to what your comment says. If it's any bit relevant to the FML and the grammar is at least eligible, then chances are I'm cool with you. Just don't be mean to me, I'll fucking throw mother fucking monster truck tires at you.
I've stopped commenting as much, or I'd have over a thousand comments by now. That's because if your comment isn't hilarious or has college essay grade grammar, it's going to get down voted to hell.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOWN HERE! GO BACK TO YOUR GODDAMN CELL!
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Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML
Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML
Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML
Thursday 28 November 2013