This member hasn't filled in their description.
MichaelDeSanta's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
MichaelDeSanta's favorite FMLs
Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML
by Carrie_Chaos / 05/23/2016 at 4:16pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anon / 05/23/2016 at 6:49am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by lifedownthegutter / 05/18/2016 at 2:21pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I've been using a clay pad to warm up my stiff neck muscles. I put it in the microwave as instructed on the box, just as I've been doing for weeks. This time, the bag exploded, splattering sticky clay. Now my neck is even more sore from reaching inside to clean the microwave. FML
by Anonymous / 05/09/2016 at 4:44pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my stepmother started talking to me after a month of the silent treatment. When I asked her what I had done wrong, she replied, "Nothing, but do you know that feeling when you look at someone and you just want to choke them?" FML
by Stepmotherfucker / 03/23/2016 at 2:32am / Ukraine / Miscellaneous
by Sara / 02/25/2016 at 2:39am / Vietnam (Ha Noi) / Money
Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML
by wellshitthen / 10/21/2015 at 3:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML
by ahhh / 08/03/2015 at 2:06am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML
by fuck / 04/18/2015 at 10:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm / United States (Delaware) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/14/2014 at 2:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Katthebamf / 09/28/2014 at 10:25am / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Transportation
Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2014 at 8:00am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML
by drunk under 18 teenager / 08/19/2014 at 9:37am / Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz) / Geek
by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I have a condition that, when I pull my foreskin back, it looks as if a rubber band has been… Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend… Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they…