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MiPiace's favorite FMLs
by ihatemakingnames / 03/04/2013 at 7:41pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
by an idiot / 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm / Australia / Money
Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML
by burn in hell / 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
by SG / 03/24/2012 at 8:14am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
by -_- / 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 1:13am / Canada / Animals
by wish.was.single / 01/25/2012 at 1:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML
by missprude666 / 01/19/2012 at 3:32am / Australia / Intimacy
by anon / 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 8:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML
by doctorsandnurses / 01/13/2012 at 5:47am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/11/2012 at 7:26pm / United States / Intimacy
by bunnyluver4545 / 01/11/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 1:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- Today, I went to the dentist and they told me I was fine so I went home. They called me back saying… Today, my best friend begged me to go with him to have his wisdom teeth removed, and to make sure… Today, I just finished treating my cat for fleas and bombing my apartment and washing everything. I…