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Mercadian

Offline (the 10/16/2014 at 4:57pm) | Search for a member

Mercadian

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 293
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Mercadian's FML badges

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Mercadian's favorite FMLs

Today, I missed work for the third time this week. My dog gets lonely when I'm away and has found out how to shut off my alarm clock. FML

#21273263
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33285) - you deserved it (4885)

On 10/08/2014 at 12:21am - animals - by fckUrex - United States (California)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40578) - you deserved it (5029)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML

#21270314
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29766) - you deserved it (6309)

On 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

#21263953
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29378) - you deserved it (5100)

On 09/23/2014 at 5:12pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44381) - you deserved it (2612)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

#21250726
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50451) - you deserved it (2474)

On 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by SadAndDeaf -

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

#21243572
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48012) - you deserved it (4322)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by confidence taken - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43529) - you deserved it (16541)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35347) - you deserved it (5010)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33870) - you deserved it (22528)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44235) - you deserved it (8279)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50617) - you deserved it (6626)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52927) - you deserved it (7992)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

#21195553
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39044) - you deserved it (10423)

On 07/01/2014 at 9:20pm - love - by devdevdev (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

#21194564
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56052) - you deserved it (5197) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/01/2014 at 12:55am - love - by NosChersVoisins - France (Aquitaine)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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