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Melodija's favorite FMLs
Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML
by Babyhazy / 06/05/2016 at 5:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I decided to work on my social anxiety by ordering some food. I waited in line, practicing my order in my head all the way. When I got to the front, I said my order with no mistakes. The cashier just stared blankly at me until I mumbled, "Never mind..." and left. FML
by EyesofStone / 05/31/2016 at 9:03pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Chin... uh.... / 05/10/2016 at 6:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by foreveryoung / 04/30/2016 at 12:23pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Me myself & I / 04/18/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners and "sleep overs" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML
by K.S.S. / 04/16/2016 at 10:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by Finding Kemo / 04/16/2016 at 3:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Koko / 04/07/2016 at 12:07pm / Germany (Berlin) / Animals
Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML
by Jake Leiter / 03/20/2016 at 2:12pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, I had my first driving test. The instructor turned out to be the kind of twit who made me do the full 60-minute test, only to tell me afterwards that he was failing me for the only mistake I made less than 2 minutes after the test started. Time wasting tit. FML
by it's called an accelerator, grandma, get your ass in gear / 03/06/2016 at 2:59pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous
by cutiecuppiecakez / 02/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by nofriends / 02/09/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML
by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML
by Anonymous / 02/04/2016 at 5:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous