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Meek_Millie1's favorite FMLs
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
by chase / 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML
by frozensolid / 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation
by TheLastSerenade / 01/23/2013 at 3:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML
by Female / 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 7:48am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
by black and yellow / 01/21/2013 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML
by DrakeB / 01/20/2013 at 11:34am / United States (Washington) / Animals
by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 5:50am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
by Kallian / 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 12:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/13/2013 at 12:27am / Canada / Intimacy
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
by nean83 / 01/12/2013 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…