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Meek_Millie1's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Lois / 02/09/2013 at 7:00am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
by mydadsgonnakillme / 02/08/2013 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML
by merp. / 02/02/2013 at 1:57am / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation
Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML
by Anonymous / 02/01/2013 at 6:31pm / Brazil / Health
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 6:10am / United States (Colorado) / Health
by LucidNightmare / 01/27/2013 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
by Anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 12:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy
Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML
by vagina dentata for christmas, pls / 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm / United States / Love
by swollenpenis / 01/25/2013 at 1:11am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML
by awkwardturtle / 01/25/2013 at 12:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear… Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I… Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I…