Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Mean_Mr_Mustard

Search for a member

Mean_Mr_Mustard

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Thursday 18 April 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1189
  • Number of comments : 238
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 23 posted

About Mean_Mr_Mustard : I do not have a list of favorite brethren FML'ers, favorite music, things I hate about fellow gentlefolk, and I do not loovve you. I don't even know you and if I do know you then I don't know that I know you and I still probably don't love you.

I drive like a grandma, I have used tissues in my coat pockets from god only knows when, I snort when I laugh really hard, I am a narcissist, I have way too many phobia's to keep track, probably a mental illness or two, I have detailed conversations with myself in my head and have been known to act out argument I am having with myself from time to time, I am contemplating becoming a buddhist but I am not sure that I am ready for that type of a commitment just yet, I dislike to an extreme amount how homosapiens have treated this wonderland we call home, I am that girl that says "did you know....." way too much, and incase you were wondering I do in fact piss excellent. Basically if I was of the male population I would never get laid, but I am female and appealing to the retina's.

This is niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice....

Mean_Mr_Mustard's page activity

Visits<b>lanoyo</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 11:27am<b>ThriceWritten</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 4:15am<b>TylerScatdaddy</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 1:03pm<b>sophiasalsa</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 4:55pm<b>cats400</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 1:19pm<b>Zeishah</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 8:38pm<b>LilTiki559</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 11:35am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 4:24pm<b>guitardude69</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 5:31pm<b>monkeyforehead</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 8:11pm<b>hyates89</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 4:49pm<b>28shelbyb</b> - the 11/08/2013 at 7:28pm<b>Jiplo</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 6:05pm<b>Das_is_gud</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 11:17pm<b>liltwistism</b> - the 10/15/2013 at 11:47pm<b>Scynistr</b> - the 09/25/2013 at 10:23pm<b>R3TROxLOV3</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 9:55pm<b>tigerlilyrawr</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 7:03pm

Mean_Mr_Mustard's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of Mean_Mr_Mustard's badges

Mean_Mr_Mustard's favorite FMLs

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

#17916897
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22323) - you deserved it (2344)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:40am - misc - by grubbieduc - United States (California)

Today, I had a job interview. The only moment I impressed the interviewer was when I talked about drama. He started to talk about a play I hadn't seen, but I decided to agree on everything he was saying. Suddenly he said, "the play doesn't actually exist." I silently left the room. FML

#17912138
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7654) - you deserved it (30780)

On 10/05/2011 at 4:33pm - work - by Lyingg (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

#17911621
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20581) - you deserved it (15280)

On 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm - animals - by Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

#17911621
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20581) - you deserved it (15280)

On 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm - animals - by Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

#17866876
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9904) - you deserved it (22859)

On 09/29/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

#17749622
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29986) - you deserved it (5486)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:34am - health - by Scott - United States (California)

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

#17643639
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19981) - you deserved it (3599)

On 09/02/2011 at 10:56am - animals - by PghSportsNation - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

#17643019
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30523) - you deserved it (3666)

On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

#17643019
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30523) - you deserved it (3666)

On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

#17641775
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25141) - you deserved it (2796)

On 09/02/2011 at 2:54am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

#17611164
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24596) - you deserved it (9134)

On 08/29/2011 at 8:46am - love - by True Story - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

#17586338
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25880) - you deserved it (3222)

On 08/26/2011 at 2:29pm - animals - by James - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

#17448755
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29034) - you deserved it (2557)

On 08/12/2011 at 9:14am - kids - by LuckySperm (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

#17447904
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35532) - you deserved it (2604)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:54am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: