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MeHasDagger

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MeHasDagger

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 333
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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MeHasDagger's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of MeHasDagger's badges

MeHasDagger's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

#21357951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33111) - you deserved it (6020)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:48am - intimacy - by foreveralone - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

#20985487
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47018) - you deserved it (6365)

On 12/08/2013 at 8:16pm - health - by goingtothegym (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

#20834278
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45446) - you deserved it (5031)

On 08/12/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

#20804217
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52149) - you deserved it (2843)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:58am - health - by Saddoc (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

#20089382
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9245) - you deserved it (34715)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

#20078695
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8420) - you deserved it (33543)

On 09/19/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by unaware - United States (Ohio)

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

#18127858
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13807) - you deserved it (60320)

On 11/01/2011 at 9:22am - health - by loves the smell of burning flesh - United States (California)

Today, my roommate got completely wasted. He was so drunk he thought the fridge was talking. He decided to make it stop by unplugging it. Most of our food is basically ruined now. FML

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

#14187537
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108527) - you deserved it (6008)

On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I superglued my headphones back together. They weren't dry before I put them back in my ears. FML

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

#11076203
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52699) - you deserved it (18115)

On 06/09/2010 at 7:34am - intimacy - by thetalkingvagina (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

#4247689
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73306) - you deserved it (4378)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by dumb (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

#2405014
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49174) - you deserved it (12247)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

#4464
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23054) - you deserved it (4736)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:55am - animals - by pretty princess - United States (Georgia)



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