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Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29199) - you totally deserved it (3391)
On 10/20/2009 at 6:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23277) - you totally deserved it (2462)
On 10/16/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by Halloweenie (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I'm telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm marking my territory, you're mine now." FML
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On 07/24/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Surprise (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52914) - you totally deserved it (1715)
On 07/16/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41635) - you totally deserved it (1026)
On 07/05/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my dad told me he knew exactly where to poke me in the stomach to make me have instant diarrhea. I joked and said I didn't believe him. I am now stuck cleaning shit out of my favorite jeans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33118) - you totally deserved it (8868)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:57pm - health - by Stupido (man) - United States (California)
Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36008) - you totally deserved it (2691)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:10pm - health - by blinded (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML
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On 07/05/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31096) - you totally deserved it (1524)
On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34899) - you totally deserved it (4532)
On 07/05/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by wetboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithfull to. A random girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML
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On 07/05/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
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On 07/05/2009 at 1:21am - work - by Barista (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26280) - you totally deserved it (2060)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:53am - money - by iloveZELOS (woman) - United States
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
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On 07/05/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by bridezilla (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23548) - you totally deserved it (1389)
On 07/04/2009 at 10:40pm - love - by Single4Life (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
