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Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8761) - you totally deserved it (16988)
On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3870) - you totally deserved it (10389)
On 03/07/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by OhaiiKid (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (31743) - you totally deserved it (1906)
On 12/02/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by errrmkl46 - United States (Arizona)
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17727) - you totally deserved it (5681)
On 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by SoVeryMonday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3355) - you totally deserved it (31107)
On 11/27/2009 at 9:26am - misc - by forgotmyownbirthday (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29888) - you totally deserved it (3476)
On 10/20/2009 at 6:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23825) - you totally deserved it (2525)
On 10/16/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by Halloweenie (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I'm telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm marking my territory, you're mine now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48021) - you totally deserved it (8957)
On 07/24/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Surprise (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54332) - you totally deserved it (1784)
On 07/16/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42299) - you totally deserved it (1056)
On 07/05/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my dad told me he knew exactly where to poke me in the stomach to make me have instant diarrhea. I joked and said I didn't believe him. I am now stuck cleaning shit out of my favorite jeans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33698) - you totally deserved it (9028)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:57pm - health - by Stupido (man) - United States (California)
Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36540) - you totally deserved it (2732)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:10pm - health - by blinded (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6916) - you totally deserved it (30292)
On 07/05/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31490) - you totally deserved it (1563)
On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35342) - you totally deserved it (4641)
On 07/05/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by wetboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)
