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Offline (the 07/20/2015 at 4:02am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 28 July 1998 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 895
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About MaximumBeat : I'm a time-traveler.

MaximumBeat's page activity

Visits<b>pengyvan</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 4:16am<b>moron011</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 12:41am<b>nik011</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 12:21pm<b>Mons</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 8:54pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 10:19pm<b>greaterdane</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 2:21pm<b>ARetardedSeal</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 5:55pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 7:35am<b>gagealexander</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 11:07am<b>Ihavegas</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:41pm<b>Killswitchknot</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 10:43pm<b>sonshadsil94</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 9:31am<b>nana_star</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 6:13pm<b>jojo8902</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 12:31am<b>jbach0220</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 2:36pm<b>gamergirlll360</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 11:54am<b>RockyG92</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 5:43am<b>marulicko</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 9:47pm

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MaximumBeat's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML


I agree, your life sucks (36783) - you deserved it (8724)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43594) - you deserved it (8177) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45239) - you deserved it (11137)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by jsyn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57533) - you deserved it (3837)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51791) - you deserved it (6329)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51539) - you deserved it (5734)

On 07/30/2013 at 7:19pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55933) - you deserved it (5046)

On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64086) - you deserved it (6091)

On 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm - intimacy - by Kay (woman) - India (Andhra Pradesh)

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40938) - you deserved it (5272)

On 03/31/2013 at 3:00am - misc - by contacts (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38503) - you deserved it (4171)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:21am - misc - by footfetish - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49022) - you deserved it (5892)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (2199)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

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