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Matthew86

Offline (11 hours ago) | Search for a member

Matthew86

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 784
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Matthew86 : I finally have managed to get my password reset so that I can comment on this app....Woo Hoo!!

Matthew86's page activity

Visits<b>dimerneckel</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 1:05am<b>kalwalls</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 12:34am<b>TheGewt</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:24am<b>lifelikedat</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 1:49am<b>AnonymousSpock</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 1:45am<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 7:32pm<b>Nexoux</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 10:56pm<b>Toughsky</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 2:39pm<b>mahovalia</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 7:33am<b>RoseWithThorns</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:51am<b>Rainb0wdash9</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 4:43pm<b>tiggerlover100</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:49pm<b>victorsaurus01</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 1:49pm<b>SpeedToast</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 9:34am<b>abylenee_</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 3:07am<b>La_Coruna</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 2:32am<b>poncho55</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 10:25am<b>Parcivel</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 11:56pm

Matthew86's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of Matthew86's badges

Matthew86's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

#21250455
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31766) - you deserved it (7423)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:32am - intimacy - by ihatejasonderulo - United Kingdom (Hounslow)

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42596) - you deserved it (4918)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

#21230826
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35878) - you deserved it (3837)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:34am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia

Today, I donated to a charity website. My card was repeatedly refused by the website but when I went on my account, I was charged for each time I tried. I was scammed by a charity. FML

#21193277
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49956) - you deserved it (7837)

On 06/30/2014 at 1:02am - money - by Charitable (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

#21192141
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41655) - you deserved it (5785)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

#21168803
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46938) - you deserved it (3467)

On 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm - health - by Harry (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

#21138987
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22292) - you deserved it (64324)

On 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm - health - by ShutTheFuCupcake (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

#21104594
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38058) - you deserved it (3100)

On 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by fuck you with a bacon cock (man) - United Kingdom (Moray)

Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for me, even though it really does. I didn't have the courage to tell him that it's because he acts like a rabid dog when he does. FML

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62571) - you deserved it (8501)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41499) - you deserved it (4436)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, I was supposed to be studying for an important exam. My parents decided to make me go to a surprise birthday party instead. We weren't allowed to leave until the party was over. The party was for the dog. FML

#21073158
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40043) - you deserved it (3359)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:30pm - animals - by SchoolFMLs (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43104) - you deserved it (5104)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

#21018030
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51474) - you deserved it (6862)

On 01/05/2014 at 4:45pm - health - by stillhurting (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

#20992504
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38131) - you deserved it (3562)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:05pm - misc - by take a fucking seat, gran (man) - United States (California)



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