About Matthew86 : I finally have managed to get my password reset so that I can comment on this app....Woo Hoo!!
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Matthew86's favorite FMLs
by nicetoknow / 09/26/2016 at 8:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML
by ANON / 09/21/2016 at 10:09am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
Today, whilst in a dressing room trying on some new clothes, I experienced the sheer terror of having someone fling a pair of dirty panties over the stall wall only to make off with some stolen ones, whilst you're still standing there in shock staring at another woman's dirty underwear. FML
by grossed out / 09/21/2016 at 5:21am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Whybother / 09/20/2016 at 4:13am / United States (Hawaii) / Work
Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML
by T3kM4n / 09/20/2016 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Health
by livingonmyownfromnowon / 09/13/2016 at 2:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I finally addressed why my boyfriend started calling me "love bug" since we haven't used pet names in the entirety of our 2 year relationship. His response? "because I love you but you bug the shit out of me. It seemed appropriate." FML
by Jaided_Genetics / 08/17/2016 at 12:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML
by icefly / 07/29/2016 at 11:39am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by ncbb5 / 11/04/2015 at 1:57pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:45am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML
by Traveler / 10/08/2015 at 10:06pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML
by Mel / 10/05/2015 at 12:21am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Health
by FacePalmPower / 10/03/2015 at 6:59pm / United States / Animals
by scoobysnarks / 09/24/2015 at 7:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…