Mattador

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Mattador

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 23 December 1993 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6896
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Mattador : Aloha I'm Matt. If you have Xbox live add me, My gt is Mattador93.

Mattador's page activity

Visits<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 10:54am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 3:57pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 10:16pm<b>jcovey19</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 1:11pm<b>Liamj774</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 11:15pm<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 8:57pm<b>drewski_14</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 7:30pm<b>Afroninja4566</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 2:59am<b>Skrillexxx69</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 9:34pm<b>IntoTheClouds</b> - the 12/05/2012 at 2:14pm<b>K_kanaka</b> - the 01/23/2012 at 5:37am<b>Majstr</b> - the 09/07/2011 at 4:08am<b>THE_A_TEEN</b> - the 09/07/2011 at 2:27am

Fucked!<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 3:16am<b>Liamj774</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 5:15am

Mattador's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Mattador's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

by danny5191 / 03/16/2012 at 10:21pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Health

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

by PUA / 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

by anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 1:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

by Wow / 03/13/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML

by titillating / 03/12/2012 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 9:20am / United States (New Mexico) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

by skid kid / 03/09/2012 at 9:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

by KrazyKill / 03/09/2012 at 2:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous