About Matt_192 : My names Matt... I'm a Chemical Engineering major at Texas Southern University. I like to draw, do photography, write music, play the trombone and piano, and occasionally try (and fail at) poetry. I enjoy long walks on the beach, taking in the sights and sounds of the dirty water in Galveston, and making small children cry with my horrible singing. Also, I'm a chemistry nerd and I love to learn new things. Oh, and I'm awesome :P
P.S. Conformity is for losers. Be yourself.
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Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML
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On 11/22/2010 at 7:18pm - misc - by reesemaster (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML
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On 11/22/2010 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML
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On 11/19/2010 at 11:54am - health - by SODbeatlesMCRlp (man) - United States
Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML
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On 11/18/2010 at 10:04pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML
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On 11/16/2010 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML
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On 11/15/2010 at 10:25pm - health - by n0taplumber - United States (Indiana)
Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML
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On 11/15/2010 at 7:19pm - health - by grlzze444 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML
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On 11/14/2010 at 4:42am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML
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On 11/13/2010 at 5:34pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML
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On 11/13/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I contacted a girl who dropped her ID at a club last night. I offer to drive 2 hours to return her ID to her. She is thrilled. When I arrive, she gives me a strange look, takes the ID, and runs back into her house. A two hour drive without even a thank you. FML
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On 11/12/2010 at 9:46am - misc - by Username - United States
Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML
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On 11/10/2010 at 12:22pm - health - by khaelian (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML
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On 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After about minutes of freaking out and explaining on how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was best thus far. FML
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On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, someone reckoned that I would never be in a relationship. So I made up this whole story about some made up guy named 'Nick' and posted stuff on my Facebook and Myspace that I'm dating him. Now all my friends want to meet him. FML
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On 11/08/2010 at 11:18pm - love - by ashbox233 (woman) - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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