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MattRoseen

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MattRoseen
  • Town/Country : Manhattan, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 January 1996 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1331
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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MattRoseen's FML badges

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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MattRoseen's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML

#19721854
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20639) - you deserved it (1463)

On 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by huh (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML

#19708258
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22825) - you deserved it (4701)

On 05/31/2012 at 2:50am - love - by Getmeout (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML

#19699093
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16123) - you deserved it (1454)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:58pm - misc - by joanne (woman) - United States

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

#19608230
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22086) - you deserved it (6698)

On 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by 504-A1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

#19279309
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17633) - you deserved it (8341)

On 03/14/2012 at 9:32pm - misc - by solyana vr1 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19942) - you deserved it (3118)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

#19247748
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20530) - you deserved it (2618)

On 03/09/2012 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

#19078471
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24885) - you deserved it (2711)

On 02/14/2012 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by kittens go meow - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
215 comments

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

#18867304
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13638) - you deserved it (24407)

On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

#18561391
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15403) - you deserved it (50602)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8733) - you deserved it (67997)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

#18438715
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14649) - you deserved it (2629)

On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for years asked if I could be her "emergency gay friend". Worst part? I said yes. FML

#18425208
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23790) - you deserved it (22291)

On 12/04/2011 at 3:36am - love - by lifesucksbigtimefuys - United Kingdom (Devon)



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