Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MattRoseen

Search for a member

MattRoseen

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 January 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1963
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

MattRoseen's page activity

Visits<b>Ari3l</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 8:17pm<b>tigerborn69</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 3:54pm<b>spork_of_doom</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:17pm<b>Jose2018</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 2:31pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 1:07am<b>RedNinjaTurtle</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 1:25am<b>delude</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 2:54am<b>byefelicia1992</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 11:31pm<b>Little_Abdy</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 11:54am<b>Drag0nb0rn</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 5:18pm<b>keymustang</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 7:42am<b>Amo1216</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 12:06am<b>AChristenson</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 10:55am<b>Lupin_III</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 10:18pm<b>WockaFloctapus</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 2:40am<b>niatross</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 10:41pm<b>tiernang</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 9:15am<b>luxlarius</b> - the 11/23/2013 at 1:13am

MattRoseen's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of MattRoseen's badges

MattRoseen's favorite FMLs

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

#20011526
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22818) - you deserved it (5928)

On 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by mary - United Kingdom

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35386) - you deserved it (2568)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

#20000538
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17115) - you deserved it (9616)

On 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm - misc - by squeltorey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

#20000076
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25482) - you deserved it (5492)

On 08/03/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by rejected4555 (woman) - United States

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

#19991658
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33400) - you deserved it (5033)

On 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by guy - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

#19983117
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26134) - you deserved it (12394)

On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

#19982859
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24564) - you deserved it (1618)

On 07/25/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by arw - United States

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

#19979186
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32521) - you deserved it (3264)

On 07/23/2012 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

#19978741
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20637) - you deserved it (2353)

On 07/23/2012 at 12:28am - kids - by poolboy -

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

#19965581
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28239) - you deserved it (2738)

On 07/20/2012 at 10:12pm - misc - by divorce? i think so (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML

#19913255
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25995) - you deserved it (3554)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:31am - kids - by LNamesOnly (man) - Australia

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

#19838531
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31403) - you deserved it (2945)

On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

#19810073
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42946) - you deserved it (3926)

On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

#19794074
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30473) - you deserved it (4074)

On 06/15/2012 at 8:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML

#19759587
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24404) - you deserved it (1824)

On 06/09/2012 at 9:54am - health - by WTF (woman) - Australia (South Australia)



FML's blog

  • Cynthia's illustrated FML
  • TFIF indeed. It's time to kick off the suit and tie and forget about work. Some of us are going out for drinks with friends, others are going to enjoy some live music and some brave fools are going to keep fit…

Friday 28 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: