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MattRoseen's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
MattRoseen's favorite FMLs
Today, I have a tooth infection that's spread to my jaw and ear. It hurts so badly that I'm practically in tears. Today's also the day I found out I'm allergic to the medication I was prescribed. Everything hurts, I'm covered in hives, and I can't stop throwing up. FML
by Anonymous / 11/16/2012 at 7:30pm / Croatia (Primorsko-Goranska) / Health
by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML
by Sexting Parents / 11/15/2012 at 9:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
by needanewride / 11/15/2012 at 9:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
by Heather / 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by john r.t. / 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by SebastianMiko / 11/09/2012 at 2:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by 99Problemsandfml / 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
by Misunderstood Waitress / 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Work
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by goodeyesight / 10/11/2012 at 10:02am / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Love
by tiredofthis / 10/10/2012 at 1:38pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
by hnickell93 / 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML
by embarrassed / 10/08/2012 at 5:12am / Australia (South Australia) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I… Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between… Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to…