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MattRoseen

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MattRoseen
  • Town/Country : Manhattan, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 January 1996 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1321
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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MattRoseen's FML badges

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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MattRoseen's favorite FMLs

Today, I have a tooth infection that's spread to my jaw and ear. It hurts so badly that I'm practically in tears. Today's also the day I found out I'm allergic to the medication I was prescribed. Everything hurts, I'm covered in hives, and I can't stop throwing up. FML

#20165827
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29442) - you deserved it (1652)

On 11/16/2012 at 7:30pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Croatia (Primorsko-Goranska)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31266) - you deserved it (3170)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

#20164798
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26154) - you deserved it (2174)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:45pm - love - by Sexting Parents - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

#20164794
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21418) - you deserved it (2518)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by needanewride - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35944) - you deserved it (2470)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

#20156633
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18750) - you deserved it (2560)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34919) - you deserved it (1506)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

#20155036
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15926) - you deserved it (1422)

On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17121) - you deserved it (40572)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71937) - you deserved it (8398)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

#20111868
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8072) - you deserved it (22210)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:02am - love - by goodeyesight (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

#20110486
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22809) - you deserved it (1525)

On 10/10/2012 at 1:38pm - misc - by tiredofthis - United States (Tennessee)

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

#20109009
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15051) - you deserved it (6495)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

#20108214
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17156) - you deserved it (3320)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm - love - by hnickell93 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

#20107056
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24279) - you deserved it (5063)

On 10/08/2012 at 5:12am - love - by embarrassed (woman) - Australia (South Australia)



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