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MattRoseen

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MattRoseen
  • Town/Country : Manhattan, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 January 1996 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1332
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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MattRoseen's FML badges

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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MattRoseen's favorite FMLs

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70668) - you deserved it (6034)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

#20562346
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64575) - you deserved it (9732)

On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35409) - you deserved it (3736)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

#20559101
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31380) - you deserved it (5563)

On 03/25/2013 at 4:48am - money - by PrayingForMoney - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

#20555936
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34169) - you deserved it (8828)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:44am - love - by SierraDiaz2097 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

#20555435
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34470) - you deserved it (16820)

On 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

#20554606
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43909) - you deserved it (5836)

On 03/22/2013 at 1:28am - love - by eww. (woman) - Australia

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39802) - you deserved it (5613)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30956) - you deserved it (2354)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

#20540243
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (44596) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

#20538947
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26505) - you deserved it (1690)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38872) - you deserved it (3675)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML

#20169028
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17174) - you deserved it (1643)

On 11/19/2012 at 1:21am - health - by NOIDIDNOT (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

#20168543
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15677) - you deserved it (1265)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by mountains - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

#20165849
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21119) - you deserved it (3774)

On 11/16/2012 at 8:06pm - work - by wow @ creepy fuckers (man) - United States



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