About MattOnFML : Just a kid from NY
MattOnFML's FML badges
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
MattOnFML's favorite FMLs
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML
by CityBoysNow / 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML
by sillydoggy / 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm / Switzerland (Bern) / Work
by vrossie_ / 09/08/2013 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML
by tdawgg / 09/06/2013 at 10:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by swana99 / 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2013 at 3:24am / United Kingdom (Redbridge) / Miscellaneous
by Parental Support / 08/30/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2013 at 8:48pm / United Kingdom / Love
by oD_Ronan / 08/29/2013 at 3:39am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML
by marryinghimanyway / 08/28/2013 at 10:21pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by Kannachan13 / 08/28/2013 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…