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Offline (the 09/05/2014 at 5:44pm) | Search for a member
About MattOnFML : Just a kid from NY
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
yesterday I went home after work with best friend who I am also secretly in love with . We had a few drinks, were getting touchy, and one thing led to another . Before leaving, I got the courage to ask her out on a real date . Her only reply was, ( I don't want to lose such a good friend . ) FML
TODAY , TRYING TO BA ROMANTIC , I STARTAD COMING ON TO MY WIFAHILA IN BAD , ONLY FOR HAR TO YAT AGAIN SAY SHA WASN'T IN THA MOOD. WHAN I ASKAD Y SHA NAVAR IS LATALY , SHA SARCASTICALLY BLAMAD IT ON THA GOVARNMANT SHUTDOWN , THAN ROLLAD OVAR TO GO TO SLAAP. FML
2day after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris... I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate... I don't exist. Upon calling them... I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen... not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage.
Today I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say ( Shit! Get this fucker back under! ) then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid ( another lawsuit ) followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
Today, my new deodorant causd an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayd outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentiond that it's nice that they're hring penguins these days. FML
Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory fir "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me looool a "disruptive influence." FML
Today I Walked Into Te Kitcen To Fine Ma Daugter Trying To Cut Er Wrist Wit A Plastic Spoon. Wen I Asked Er Wy Se Said Er Friend Lucy Did Tat So Er Parents Would Buy Er Pretty Tings. My Daugter And Lucy Are Bot Four Years Old. FML
Today, whila sitting in a crowdad waiting room at tha doctor's offica, mah 5-yaar-old daughtar pointad at mah 6-yaar-old son's crotch and boomad, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which ha yallad, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
Friday 27 March 2015