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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Mata_Hari

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Mata_Hari
  • Town/Country : Fronteras, Guatemala
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 14 June 1995 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 17103
  • Number of comments : 124
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Mata_Hari : I would like to go back to a time... when it was Radio Ga Ga and NOT Lady Gaga.

Mata_Hari's last visitors

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Mata_Hari's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Mata_Hari's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (34133) - you deserved it (2117)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

#5663418 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (38498) - you deserved it (2780)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML

#5352891 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (31949) - you deserved it (1713)

On 09/19/2009 at 3:05pm - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Hounslow)

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (10321)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

#5168083 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (24206) - you deserved it (5212)

On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

#5097927 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (31800) - you deserved it (3339)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

#4983449 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (6195) - you deserved it (23625)

On 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by mrboston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

#4859108 (261)

I agree, your life sucks (48265) - you deserved it (6492)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by LizP40 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

#4679110 (343)

I agree, your life sucks (34978) - you deserved it (98523)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

#4639027 (197)

I agree, your life sucks (10212) - you deserved it (47754)

On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

#4570183 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (49964) - you deserved it (3216)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

#3799026 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (29106) - you deserved it (3476)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

#3363161 (384)

I agree, your life sucks (55244) - you deserved it (4838)

On 06/30/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding the bus home from the Verizon store after getting my brand new EnV Touch. I was taking pictures with it when I noticed a woman with very nice boobs. I zoomed in to get a better picture when she looked at me with a disgusted face. The external display was on. FML

#2997013 (355)

I agree, your life sucks (4322) - you deserved it (63724)

On 06/18/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by heythurr234 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

#2401782 (273)

I agree, your life sucks (51282) - you deserved it (9559)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)