I would like to go back to a time... when it was Radio Ga Ga and NOT Lady Gaga.
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28167) - you totally deserved it (1568)
On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
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On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML
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On 09/19/2009 at 3:05pm - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Hounslow)
Today I was eating m&ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering "where is that little bastard?" FML
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On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
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On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML
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On 09/07/2009 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
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On 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by mrboston (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML
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On 08/27/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by LizP40 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
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On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML
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On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was at the gym which has a sign that says "No gum chewing allowed." I was running hard, took a sharp breath and started violently choking on my gum. The woman on the machine next to me started beating my back till the gum dislodged. She then yelled "Good Christ didn't you see the sign?" FML
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On 08/14/2009 at 5:13pm - health - by DumbRunner (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML
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On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML
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On 06/30/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was riding the bus home from the Verizon store after getting my brand new EnV Touch. I was taking pictures with it when I noticed a woman with very nice boobs. I zoomed in to get a better picture when she looked at me with a disgusted face. The external display was on. FML
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On 06/18/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by heythurr234 (man) - United States (Virginia)
