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Mason_Bq's favorite FMLs
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Health
by talktothefacecausethehandswanking / 06/22/2013 at 2:54pm / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 2:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML
by songbird062 / 06/01/2013 at 12:14pm / Love
by Anonymous / 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML
by lachaisse / 05/12/2013 at 8:09am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML
by Marmarfarfar / 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by clumsy / 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm / Ireland (Donegal) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML
by walkingdead_1029 / 05/06/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
- Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw… Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In… Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax,…
- Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, due to a spate of burglaries, I updated the security on my house. Latches, locks, gates, I… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…