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Masai

Offline (the 08/11/2014 at 6:48am) | Search for a member

Masai

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 950
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 46 posted

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Masai's page activity

Visits<b>wdunh69733</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 1:12am<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 5:48pm<b>Baytheshark</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 4:42pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 12:19am<b>Neilish</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 8:10pm<b>TorturedXeno</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 1:40pm<b>sports237</b> - the 10/23/2013 at 4:51pm<b>k_gils</b> - the 08/05/2013 at 9:13pm

Masai's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of Masai's badges

Masai's favorite FMLs

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57471) - you deserved it (7985)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46473) - you deserved it (6989)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

#21153372
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38931) - you deserved it (6862)

On 05/27/2014 at 1:04pm - health - by fuckmuppet (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47446) - you deserved it (7218)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41104) - you deserved it (15334)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

#21136073
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41917) - you deserved it (10071)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:34pm - work - by can't eat paper - United States

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

#21129304
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46939) - you deserved it (3049)

On 05/03/2014 at 1:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

#21122958
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39897) - you deserved it (6353)

On 04/25/2014 at 7:45pm - health - by fuck you, Jeff (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

#21120495
107 comments

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

#21110183
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38813) - you deserved it (5412)

On 04/11/2014 at 9:48am - misc - by brodinn (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

#21108224
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19436) - you deserved it (44890)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by Motha - United States (Utah)

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

#21055497
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37288) - you deserved it (4828)

On 02/09/2014 at 4:18pm - misc - by Avomitmous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)



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