Masai

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Offline (the 08/11/2014 at 6:48am)

Masai

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 2806
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 46 posted

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Masai's page activity

Visits<b>wdunh69733</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 2:35pm<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 5:48pm<b>Baytheshark</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 4:42pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 12:19am<b>Neilish</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 8:10pm<b>TorturedXeno</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 1:40pm<b>sports237</b> - the 10/23/2013 at 4:51pm<b>k_gils</b> - the 08/05/2013 at 9:13pm

Fucked!<b>wdunh69733</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 9:06am

Masai's FML badges

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You have thumbed 5000 comments.

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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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Masai's favorite FMLs

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML

by Tattery / 07/03/2014 at 7:55pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

by fuckmuppet / 05/27/2014 at 1:04pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

by great 1st impression / 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

by can't eat paper / 05/10/2014 at 9:34pm / United States / Work

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2014 at 1:00am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

by fuck you, Jeff / 04/25/2014 at 7:45pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

by wondercat40 / 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

by heartmytrucker / 04/14/2014 at 5:58pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

by brodinn / 04/11/2014 at 9:48am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

by Motha / 04/09/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

by Avomitmous / 02/09/2014 at 4:18pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Miscellaneous