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About Marie54321 : "Congratulations, you've stumbled across my profile! Which means you have excellent taste and you're going to meet your future wife, BUT IT WONT BE ME. Why? Because I am the one before the one. We'll exchange some texts and then BAM you'll meet your future Mrs. I don't know how or why, however I've been bestowed this gift of being an involuntary matchmaker, without ever meeting the other person that I set you up with. Cheers!" By the way, I'm a soon to be U.S. Army soldier, so ⭐HOOAH⭐ Squat Life💪 Captain America is my superhero
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You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML
Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML
Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML
Thursday 22 January 2015