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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1300
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>Rallred32</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 11:57am<b>BabyFranco</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 1:47am<b>Neandertal</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 10:45am<b>nicky255</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 11:39pm<b>caden_bro</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 5:30pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 7:29pm<b>starryeyed_0811</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 4:51pm<b>The_9th_Doctor</b> - the 10/04/2013 at 1:00am<b>1992yoko</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 9:39pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 2:42am<b>EmberFury</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 7:55pm<b>cha0t1c</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 4:48am<b>30361</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 4:34pm<b>therandomguy69</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 3:20pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 5:02am<b>supersavvy</b> - the 07/03/2013 at 4:44am<b>wenglanquer</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 2:58pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 2:32pm

MaltWarrior's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17248) - you deserved it (7209)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30984) - you deserved it (8564)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14718) - you deserved it (38369)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

#20013286
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21799) - you deserved it (3806)

On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

#20012782
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29603) - you deserved it (16349)

On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22291) - you deserved it (2872)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

#20008924
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24762) - you deserved it (2396)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35227) - you deserved it (2562)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

#20002582
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21793) - you deserved it (1592)

On 08/04/2012 at 6:15pm - misc - by bellsucker - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a coworker informed me that she thinks I may be descended from a race of goblins, because of my squat stature, ugly face and hairy arms. She was being completely serious. FML

#19995807
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20387) - you deserved it (1781)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:46am - work - by Goblin Girl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19401) - you deserved it (3996)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

#19983177
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27224) - you deserved it (3045)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:03am - love - by Unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

#19983117
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25782) - you deserved it (12304)

On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

#19881608
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30710) - you deserved it (4817)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)



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