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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1667
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>colton_colton</b> - 24 hours ago<b>sleepybb</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 8:26pm<b>MossyMegaMan</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:02pm<b>SingingWolf</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 4:36pm<b>PDN</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 8:19pm<b>J352SAURUS</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 10:12am<b>SoliDSt33L</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 10:05am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 7:34am<b>Trollx</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 7:05am<b>RollingCakes</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 12:37pm<b>secretgirlfriend</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 9:26pm<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 4:35pm<b>Queen_bee1234</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 1:10pm<b>killthedead</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 11:28am<b>redrobbey</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 10:01am<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 6:22pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 9:20pm<b>Rallred32</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 11:57am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
274 comments

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26874) - you deserved it (2208)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19605) - you deserved it (6373)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10215) - you deserved it (40563)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18430) - you deserved it (3592)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

#20136801
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21223) - you deserved it (4116)

On 10/28/2012 at 10:53am - kids - by friedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20923) - you deserved it (2666)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

#20120354
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21508) - you deserved it (1596)

On 10/16/2012 at 10:48pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29728) - you deserved it (6034)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29728) - you deserved it (6034)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30910) - you deserved it (18129)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26880) - you deserved it (3324)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

#20110797
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20726) - you deserved it (1888)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by scaredofcutouts (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

#20074336
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20453) - you deserved it (3522)

On 09/16/2012 at 9:46am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24011) - you deserved it (2789)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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