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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Chapel Hill, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3884
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 3:11am<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 11:43pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 5:32am<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 12:40am<b>jmon707</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 5:21pm<b>Sarahch</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:49pm<b>henrylikestreats</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 2:57am<b>Lola26042002</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:21am<b>warsun</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 8:11am<b>connorgrant98</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 10:44pm<b>ziggysmommy201</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 6:34pm<b>alexaramayo</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 1:47am<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 8:35pm<b>Georgiecan</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 9:01am<b>wjsgkrbs</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 4:48pm<b>colton_colton</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 4:30pm<b>sleepybb</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 8:26pm<b>MossyMegaMan</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:02pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:41am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28460) - you deserved it (5389)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34846) - you deserved it (4003)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13253) - you deserved it (30196)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

#20178576
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22636) - you deserved it (1507)

On 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Username (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21000) - you deserved it (3707)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

#20172481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26060) - you deserved it (5667)

On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

#20165330
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23754) - you deserved it (3613)

On 11/16/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Gangnam (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

#20163905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19780) - you deserved it (1578)

On 11/15/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Superman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
277 comments

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29520) - you deserved it (2438)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19819) - you deserved it (6400)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10326) - you deserved it (40799)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18640) - you deserved it (3620)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

#20136801
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21429) - you deserved it (4134)

On 10/28/2012 at 10:53am - kids - by friedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21961) - you deserved it (2774)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia



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