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MaltWarrior's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.
MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs
Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 9:01am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
by daniel55 / 02/17/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
by Brock / 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by Why Me? / 01/31/2013 at 4:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
by ohfuckwaffles / 01/29/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by LucidNightmare / 01/27/2013 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
by Kallian / 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
by drake86 / 01/09/2013 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute) / Miscellaneous
by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous