MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarriorMaltWarrior
  • Town/Country : Wake Forest, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6634
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>stricker30</b> - 6 hours ago<b>neko987</b> - the 09/20/2016 at 2:39am<b>Teyros</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 10:31pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 2:40pm<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 1:50pm<b>WATERFISH21</b> - the 07/31/2016 at 1:19am<b>Jaraxxus</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 2:09am<b>HelloBl4nk3t</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 11:43pm<b>Linkard</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 12:10am<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 3:11pm<b>MedoA</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 1:57pm<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 3:42pm<b>slapstick1982</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 11:11am<b>whootywhoo</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 11:58pm<b>The_Memer69</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 9:37pm<b>Vikstera</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 8:27pm<b>Bannaner5</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 1:48am<b>ilovemonkeybutts</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 3:29pm

Fucked!<b>whootywhoo</b> - the 05/14/2016 at 5:58am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 5:08am<b>_just_joshin_ya</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 2:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 3:02am<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:54am<b>pl0xs3rver</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 6:33pm<b>BananaCoconutty</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 8:29am<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 7:25pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:41am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

by daniel55 / 02/17/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep my maiden name when I marry. My fiancé thought it would be "epic". My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb. FML

by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

by Brock / 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

by Why Me? / 01/31/2013 at 4:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

by dr mamour / 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm / Love

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

by ohfuckwaffles / 01/29/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

by LucidNightmare / 01/27/2013 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

by drake86 / 01/09/2013 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

by VampObsessed / 01/05/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.