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Mallory_Mariie's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39241) - you deserved it (6076)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:33pm - kids - by fatbabysyndrome (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (753370) - you deserved it (61780)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML


I agree, your life sucks (702392) - you deserved it (471955)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML


I agree, your life sucks (1224214) - you deserved it (135581)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

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  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

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