I am Malik.
I'm a video gamer. I love movies and a lot of TV shows.
I love me some Beatles, though other artists I love are Bob Dylan, Radiohead, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, George Harrison, John Lennon, Roisin Murphy, BB King, and Marvin Gaye.
Stumbled upon this website while back and I absolutely love it. There are some truly hilarious and awkward moments posted on this website and I can spend hours reading.
Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38301) - you totally deserved it (3712)
On 06/22/2009 at 9:32am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore
Today, a car floated slowly into my lane from the left with no signal. She gazed at the right turn like it was going to kiss her. "What the FUCK, lady?" I shouted, slamming on my brakes. Two seconds later I hear a tiny voice in my back seat, "What fut, YADY?!" My 22 month old son's first full sentence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12656) - you totally deserved it (39573)
On 06/22/2009 at 1:30am - kids - by ObeyTheFist (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
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On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33147) - you totally deserved it (11662)
On 04/29/2009 at 9:34pm - kids - by GirlinGreen - United States (Washington)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML
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On 04/06/2009 at 10:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97025) - you totally deserved it (13722)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta
Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52384) - you totally deserved it (6716)
On 03/13/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by sadsenior (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boss had to leave the house for a little while. She asked me to take any messages she got. I answered the phone and lady calling said she was returning her call about the opening for a nanny position. I am the current nanny. I found out I am being fired by the new nanny. FML
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On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - work - by nannynomore (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I got talking to a really hot guy at a party. He told me that he was only here because he heard the host would sleep with anyone, and he and his buddies had a bet going. It was my party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29122) - you totally deserved it (12117)
On 02/18/2009 at 9:15am - love - by Sandra (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42321) - you totally deserved it (3334)
On 02/18/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by w_t_f (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML
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On 02/15/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Salaryman (man) - Philippines (Rizal)
Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a shit. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML
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On 02/14/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by videochat (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I got really depressed and decided to call Kids Help Phone. An operator answered, and as I started to talk about my problem, I stuttered a couple times because I was nervous and upset. The operator hung up on me. FML
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On 02/14/2009 at 4:25pm - misc - by EmoBoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
