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Maleficus

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Maleficus
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 597
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

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50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Maleficus's favorite FMLs

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53066) - you deserved it (11820)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

#20876171
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47282) - you deserved it (9472)

On 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by CityBoysNow - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54970) - you deserved it (3146)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

#20875920
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42648) - you deserved it (2369)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:02pm - animals - by RoommateWanted (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45027) - you deserved it (3821)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML

#20864719
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43541) - you deserved it (18652)

On 09/02/2013 at 3:22pm - animals - by aherdofpigs - United States

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

#20863583
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43193) - you deserved it (2239)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21359) - you deserved it (82749)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#20862659
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39284) - you deserved it (4830)

On 09/01/2013 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50842) - you deserved it (3143)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?". The answer was "relationship". FML

#20848780
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48811) - you deserved it (3288)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:40am - love - by Embarrassed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

#20848750
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47152) - you deserved it (6480)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by none - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

#20848594
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37579) - you deserved it (4616)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:00pm - misc - by theuglyone - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

#20848315
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42614) - you deserved it (20898)

On 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by me (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML



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