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Maleficus

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Maleficus
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 574
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Maleficus's favorite FMLs

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, as a part of my autobiography project for school, I needed to have 2 friends and 2 family members each write me a letter. I ended up having to forge 3 letters. FML

#20964402
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38202) - you deserved it (3008)

On 11/20/2013 at 10:28am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38228) - you deserved it (14843)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

#20961117
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27308) - you deserved it (9926)

On 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by what_a_loner - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

#20961108
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37789) - you deserved it (4740)

On 11/17/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

#20961005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44104) - you deserved it (3530)

On 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm - kids - by :( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I donated blood. Afterwards, I regained consciousness on the floor with a half-eaten cookie in my mouth. FML

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

#20953788
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52086) - you deserved it (3465)

On 11/11/2013 at 10:55am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

#20952236
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42354) - you deserved it (4117)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by notgettinsome - Australia

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

#20951750
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56558) - you deserved it (3286)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:30pm - intimacy - by f (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

#20949272
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49525) - you deserved it (5105)

On 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Derry)

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35974) - you deserved it (2942)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24710) - you deserved it (50360)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

#20945549
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37359) - you deserved it (6431)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by UnfortunatelyAmusing (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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