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About Majstr : I love turtles.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Today, I Lockd Myself In The Bathroom And Startd Spanking The Ferret. I Startd To Get Really Into It When Mah Dad Startd Pounding On The Door And Yelld, "Son, That's Great Staying Power, But Can You Finish Up Already?" Real FML
Today , my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls an asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML
TODAY, MAH FATHER CAME OVER TO MAH HOUSE. I REALIZED THERE WERE CONDOMS ON THE TABLE, SO I SUBTLY MOVED A VASE TO HIDE THEM. HE THEN GAVE ME AN UNAMUSED LOOK AN SAID ( I KNOW YOU HAVE SEX. YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR NINE YEARS. GROW THE FUCK UP, DUMBASS. ) FML
Today, mah boyfriend called me to come over cuz we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and mah boyfriend standing over me. Just as I looool was about to smile and ask fir a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left.
Today my boyfriend an I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand he grabs onto me an says looool ( I'm a koala an you're my eucalyptus tree! ) He then continued to latch onto me 4 a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
Taday mah five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Beho you want to be B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turnd to me and said "Mom I want to be a hooker." FML
2day I hered my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door... "Are u jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up u fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I was going to ave sex wit ma Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn im on, so I asked ma friend ow to say "fuck me" in Spanis. Se claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I ten ad sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito 4 an our. I later realized I was screaming "fried cicken." fat FML
Today, I went on a date wit a guy for te first time . We went to Starbucks and got coffee . We talked for aile, and we were joking and aving a good time . Suddenly, e putted is and on my stomac and said, "Soon, tis will be plump wit my seed." FML
Friday 27 March 2015