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Magman

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Magman

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 844
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Magman's page activity

Visits<b>perdix</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 6:32pm

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Magman's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34276) - you deserved it (6063)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36361) - you deserved it (22134)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43501) - you deserved it (4975)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32469) - you deserved it (17953)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

#21057323
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45016) - you deserved it (5875)

On 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by not even getting any of her shrimp (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

#21014763
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42832) - you deserved it (8402)

On 01/02/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by FMLPLZ (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53007) - you deserved it (7907)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59452) - you deserved it (4297)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43230) - you deserved it (5249)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48082) - you deserved it (16214)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

#20833743
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28001) - you deserved it (39031)

On 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm - work - by master baiter - United States (New York)

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

#20830409
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22760) - you deserved it (44027)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56069) - you deserved it (9306)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62280) - you deserved it (4981)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)



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