MadisonDerp

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Offline (the 01/04/2015 at 5:40am)

MadisonDerp

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 770
  • Number of comments : 131
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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MadisonDerp's page activity

Visits<b>chromesaurus</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 1:40pm<b>Roythetickler</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 9:15am<b>countrygirl2272</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 11:45pm<b>bananassin</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 4:48am<b>ihelaina</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 11:54pm<b>D4TO</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 6:29pm<b>ActionFearo</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 2:52am<b>adragonhunter</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 1:13pm<b>ahd94</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 1:22am<b>calobrisi</b> - the 10/15/2013 at 11:27pm<b>aquarioussr</b> - the 10/14/2013 at 2:12pm<b>avarland</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 7:22am<b>ichigokurosedo</b> - the 08/10/2013 at 10:49am<b>CrookedLegSpider</b> - the 07/31/2013 at 12:33am<b>cHoCoFrOG</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 2:22pm<b>ThatChickAmber</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 10:56am<b>Chellybelly92</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 12:32am<b>michaeljcaboose</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 10:18pm

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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MadisonDerp's favorite FMLs

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2013 at 12:19pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

by anon / 09/09/2013 at 11:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

by embarrassedmom / 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm / United States / Kids

Today, in the middle of examining me, my gynecologist suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and vomited on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 7:10am / Latvia (Jelgavas) / Health

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

by cay / 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 6:10am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

by scarred_sibling / 10/15/2012 at 8:10am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm / Intimacy