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Macromartyr

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Macromartyr
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2679
  • Number of comments : 118
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 67 posted

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Macromartyr's last visitors

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Macromartyr's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

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Macromartyr's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66327) - you deserved it (16923)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

#632473
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (151449) - you deserved it (25347)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91389) - you deserved it (28438)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

#203455
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122897) - you deserved it (6382)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239916) - you deserved it (56619)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

#121139
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64512) - you deserved it (16987)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213942) - you deserved it (73293)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

#48381
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37344) - you deserved it (8113)

On 02/15/2009 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

#14536
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21811) - you deserved it (5321)

On 02/08/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18762) - you deserved it (24053)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

#2596
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18430) - you deserved it (4081)

On 01/25/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by Michelle C - United States (California)

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

#492
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15124) - you deserved it (6114)

On 12/11/2008 at 5:40am - misc - by Pfff - Sent from mobile version

Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

#392
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17061) - you deserved it (39382)

On 11/26/2008 at 1:18am - misc - by ripo95 - Sent from mobile version



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