Macromartyr

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Macromartyr

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3822
  • Number of comments : 118
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 67 posted

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Macromartyr's page activity

Visits<b>derpyshy</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 2:08am<b>mysteryman98</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 1:00am<b>Risea</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 2:25pm<b>joco4</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 1:50pm<b>UndeadCity9</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 11:48pm<b>obviouslywaffles</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 1:06pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 11:04am<b>avadakedabra</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 5:41am<b>iPixelCheese</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 7:17pm<b>lilferrit</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 11:39pm<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 2:10am<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 6:43am<b>OmgBecky19</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 1:29am<b>ExtremeEncounter</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 2:33pm<b>connorgrant98</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 1:15am<b>Nicky816</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 12:36pm<b>_angeldust_</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 9:54pm<b>_nesss</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 6:43pm

Macromartyr's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Macromartyr's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

by Tai / 10/31/2010 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

by lifesuck / 09/19/2010 at 10:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

by spriggs / 07/25/2010 at 5:06am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet. When I reminded him that my work computer isn't even networked, he said, "Oh, sorry, you're the one who takes too many smoke breaks." When I told him that I don't even smoke, he said, "Just go..." FML

by Myzyri / 06/08/2010 at 3:11am / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was looking down at my chest and noticed the hairs growing upon it. For a 16 year old, it's pretty impressive. It's a shame that I'm a girl though. FML

by Kay / 02/23/2010 at 3:36pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

by city_girl / 02/04/2010 at 1:34am / United States (Minnesota) / Transportation

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

by ilovesocks / 01/20/2010 at 1:17am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

by handlin / 01/14/2010 at 1:45am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

by coinoperatedgirl / 01/10/2010 at 8:04pm / United States (Minnesota) / Geek

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2009 at 12:02am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 8:27am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

by obsessed / 11/27/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I locked my keys in my car. My spare keys are 45 minutes away in my dorm room. My dorm room keys are attached to my car keys locked in my car. Security said they would let me in as long as I had my school ID. It's on my keychain. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 11:53am / United States (Maine) / Transportation