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Maccat9's favorite FMLs
by quickfingers100 / 05/22/2011 at 5:31am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
by squirrels69ing / 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by esoog / 05/19/2011 at 1:38pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML
by scalmon / 05/13/2011 at 1:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML
by phant776 / 05/13/2011 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
by Chels / 05/11/2011 at 1:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by scarred4life / 04/27/2011 at 10:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Username / 04/26/2011 at 3:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML
by fifthtimesacharm / 04/26/2011 at 11:03am / Health
Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2011 at 10:37pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:06am / United States (South Carolina) / Kids
- Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he's unhappy with his life. He's basically with me because I… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I painted and repaired two bookcases for my Grandma. As I was putting it all back together…