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MTFR's favorite FMLs
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
by addictedtofml / 02/24/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML
by catfish / 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Noname / 02/21/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML
by Biggest Jerk / 02/14/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by sadgirl / 01/23/2009 at 11:52am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
- Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my… Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out… Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five.…