About MESammyG : Meagan.
Conservative( get over it)
Enlisted in the United States Marine Corps
Kind of a grammar nazi. Sorry, not sorry.
I have Vine and Instagram and post silly stuff... You know , if you wanna see - IG @MeSammyG Vine @BabySammyG
About MESammyG : Meagan.
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MESammyG's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML
by jeed(1) / 08/25/2013 at 5:36pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Work
Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 5:11am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML
by ugh / 07/15/2013 at 7:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by BlueB / 07/06/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by wtf dad / 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Love
Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML
by Dave / 10/04/2012 at 10:44am / United States / Love
Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
by skyplaysguitar / 07/30/2012 at 1:56am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML
by Garry / 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm / United States / Intimacy
by anonymous / 12/27/2011 at 5:32pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by Sally / 12/26/2011 at 6:48am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
by Dv0829 / 10/21/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, I paid a repair man $65 to come to my house and fix my washer. He walked in, looked at the washer, bent over and removed a large steel bolt with a bright red tag sticking out the side saying "Remove before use." He then looked at me and said "all fixed." FML
by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 5:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML
by kringr / 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML
by fuundmental/// / 04/09/2011 at 1:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, after weeks of gathering the courage, I asked my boyfriend whether he takes a shower right… Today, my mom got a jukebox. She hasn't stopped playing the music on a high volume for the past two… Today, I was craving a bean & cheese burrito. After trying to forget about burritos for half of the…