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LycaeusVect

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LycaeusVect
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 871
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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LycaeusVect's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML

#18742330
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26497) - you deserved it (2110)

On 01/08/2012 at 1:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19016) - you deserved it (37897)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

#18729935
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10380) - you deserved it (50676)

On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

#18716043
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30105) - you deserved it (8628)

On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

#18703060
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19309) - you deserved it (2526)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:15am - health - by emsbuffalo - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

#18671764
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32931) - you deserved it (2796)

On 01/01/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by tooearly (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45086) - you deserved it (3117)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

#18593025
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13364) - you deserved it (34593)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was at work handling the cash register. It wasn't working correctly, so I apologized to the woman I was waiting on for the delay and explained, "The cash register's being a little retarded today." Then I noticed her clearly "special" adult son standing behind her. FML

#18578540
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12259) - you deserved it (59731)

On 12/22/2011 at 10:23am - work - by insomnia (woman) - United States

Today, I found a wallet containing an ID card. I managed to track down the owner, who now is threatening to call the police if I don't return the 400 dollars that he insists were also in it. FML

#18577886
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26955) - you deserved it (1795)

On 12/22/2011 at 7:04am - misc - by JackSteely -

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

#18559363
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40097) - you deserved it (4835)

On 12/20/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Pimpleeater (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

#18525865
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23364) - you deserved it (11563)

On 12/16/2011 at 4:08am - kids - by Oily (man) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

#18495546
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34396) - you deserved it (3696)

On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

#18447491
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22704) - you deserved it (2635)

On 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by jackgrant (man) - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

#18390822
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33494) - you deserved it (5165)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:39am - work - by immy504 - United States (Louisiana)



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